Love deeply

With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love (Eph. 4:2)

Marriage has changed me in many ways for the better. I am more organized and less scattered. I am more giving and less selfish. But one thing has liberated me in a way I would have never understood before I walked the aisle: being fully known but still being loved. This, more than just about any other experience of marriage, has helped me to experience inner healing from past rejection in a way I would have never thought possible. Being known but still being loved is healing for the human heart.

In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller writes:

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting, but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

Indeed, it can.

These words are true, not only for marriage, but for every kind of relationship. When we are fully known and others see our frailties and faults and love us still, there is a peace that comes into our souls and we are strengthened to deal with life’s difficulties.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8).

I know individuals who have struggled with addictions and sins, the result of Satan taking advantage of their wounded hearts that were abused at some point in their life. But I have seen victory come in their lives because of surrounding themselves with a support network to help them get free from the grip of sin as part of their recovery. What all of them discovered is that they are loved in spite of their sin, failure, and flaws. And this acceptance has given them the courage they need to beat their troubles.

They have overcome their addictions, and their sins not in spite of being known; they have overcome their addictions because they have been fully known loved, and forgiven.

It’s only when we are fully known that we can be fully loved—and being fully loved provides strength for our journey that we just can’t experience in life any other way.