For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. Titus 1:7-8
Mike Schmitz, a popular podcaster and leader, tells the story of a woman who once asked her father what kind of man she should look for as a marriage partner. The father’s answer? “Find a man who can fast.” Though this response surprised me when I first heard it, the longer I’ve sat with it, the more I’ve come to see the deep wisdom contained therein. Though there are many commendable virtues in a future spouse, the ability to direct one’s passions and desires, rather than to be directed by them, might be chief amongst them all. As Mike summarizes, this is the person who is able to say, “I know I have this impulse to one thing, but I have the ability to say no to myself. I know that I want to run, but I have the ability not to run. I know I want to cower back, but I have the ability to rise up.”
I thought of this example today as I read the words of Titus 1, especially the exhortation in verse 8 for leaders to be “self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined.” When comparing translations of this verse which is a practice that I highly recommend. A line from a Greek translation known as the Apostolos stood out to me. Rather than the well-known phrase “self-controlled,” it instead says a leader must be “master of himself.”
One of the most persistent lies that we are told in our world today is that our desires are a window into our “true selves” and thus should be fulfilled in order to be truly happy. In response, I would simply say that some desires are good and meant to be fulfilled. When our lives are lived in submission to Christ and animated by the power of Holy Spirit within, we are filled with holy desires, seeking to give ourselves away in sacrificial service and love of others. Yet interspersed with these holy desires are the lingering passions of this world, lust, greed, envy, power, desires that promise to deliver freedom while only deepening our bondage.
Wisdom is found in our ability to discern which desires get a “yes” and which are meant to receive a decisive “no.” And by living a disciplined and self-controlled life, we not only know in our minds how to tame and order our desires, we train our desires, mastering them lest they master us.
